Last Thing I Needed
by Little-miss-honkytonk
Summary: Companion piece to "Love in an Elevator"


Last Thing I Needed  
  
(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)  
  
She calls out my name as she orgasms and within seconds I do the same. We are in my car, in front of her apartment building almost directly under her window but neither of us care. It's almost like a game now. She goes to move off of me but with my hands still resting on her hips I hold her there.  
  
"Not yet" I plead.  
  
She only smiles and rests her forehead to mine. She gives me a soft and tender kiss but she doesn't move off of me. We continue to kiss, the kisses growing more hungry like they always do. I wrap my arms around her and try to pull her closer if at all possible. Suddenly a horn beeps from down the street and we re violently pushed back into reality. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. We both know she has to go. I loosen my grip around her and she gets off of me and slides to the other side of the seat. I do up my jeans and look over to her, She's leaning against the back of the seat buttoning up hers.  
  
I notice her shirt still resting on the dash board. The window's are fogged up and I can hear the heavy rain as it beats down on the car. It's been raining since we left the station. She goes to reach for her shirt. I want to stop her, I don't want her to leave, I want to look at her longer, be with her again, but I don't. That isn't how this works. She'll give me a kiss, say goodnight and go back to her life like nothing ever happened and tomorrow when we see each other at work, it wouldn't have happened. We go back to being like we always use to be until the next time we let ourselves get the better of us.  
  
She grabs her shirt and starts to put it on. She looks at me and i can see it. I wonder just what it is that I help her run away from. It's there, in her eyes. Behind the front she puts on hidden way at the back but it's there. I know I should be the friend i claim to be and try to figure out whats wrong with her, instead of letting her use me to forget, but I don't. I'm selfish I need her to much. Not just for the sex but for her. I need to have her need me for something, I need to see that look in her eyes...it's weird she's like a life line for me. I'm scared that if i figure out whats wrong, I'll lose her for good. She won't need me anymore...and that can't happen.  
  
She is ready to go. Like I knew she would she leans over and give me a kiss. I treasure the taste of her mouth for the brief second it touches mine. She smiles, "good night" she opens the car door and steps out into the rain. I see her run to the apartment building and disappear into it. I'm left here sitting alone not for the first time or the last.  
  
(*)~(*)  
  
I quietly open the door to my apartment. It's late, a little after one. I expect to see Fred sitting watching tv while he waits for me to get home but he isn't there. The only light shines in from the kitchen. It's the light from the stove. I breath a sigh of relief. I really didn't want to to talk to him tonight. I set down my keys and take off my shoes and jacket.  
  
I don't bother getting a drink or a snack before bed, I head straight of the bathroom to take a shower. As I'm washing I wonder how I ever let myself get wrapped into this. It all started that afternoon of the blackout, when Bosco and I were trapped in that elevator. If I had been stronger then, this wouldn't keep happening. But I'm weak when it comes to him. He has a power over me that I don't understand or can even begin to. Since that afternoon, we must have made love....I correct myself, had sex a hundred times. None of it meaning anything. Just simple sex, getting lost in the moment needing to feel beautiful and wanted, thats all it ever is. Plain and simple.  
  
Bosco doesn't love me, he's not like that. An empty feeling runs through me as I again make that realization for the hundredth time. It doesn't matter anyway, it's not like i love him not more then anything but a friend. I have a family, a husband and two beautiful kids...my thinking doesn't make the emptiness go away. It's just an affair that needs to end. It has to because I don't think i can handle it much longer.  
  
I make my way to my room and get ready for bed. I climb in beside Fred and rest my head on my pillow. Fred begins to move and soon his arm is around me. I try not to notice. His hand moves to my breast and i cringe at it not really knowing why.  
  
"Faith baby."  
  
He's still half asleep and groggy but I can tell what he wants. I push his hand away, "Not tonight Fred"  
  
"Oh come on Faith," He says as he kisses my neck.  
  
I move away from him. Putting distance between us. "I said no Fred. It's been along night and I want to get some sleep." He gives me a huff and agrees as he moves back closer to me and wraps his arms around me again. With in a few minutes he begins to snore and he holds me a little tighter.  
  
I wish I could fall asleep but i can't. Something is missing. I decide that maybe if i took a walk around the block it might make me sleepy so I get up and get dressed again and leave the apartment.  
  
(*)~(*)  
  
I knock on the door, not knowing how I ever ended up in front of it. A wait a few seconds then I hear movement on the other side. As the door opens I shiver, I tell myself it's because of my wet clothes and that it has nothing to do with the fact that Bosco is standing there leaning on the door wearing only his black boxers looking at me like I meant everything. I don't say a word. I just look at him and he knows. He opens the door wider and lets me in. As he shuts the door and re locks it I shrug of my wet jean jacket and push off my shoes. He reaches for my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine as he leads me to his bedroom.  
  
When we get there he gentally lets go of my hand and walks towards the dresser. I begin to unbutton my shirt and let it fall to the floor. I then do the same with my jeans. He turns around to see me standing there in nothing more then my bra and panties, an image that he is now familiar with.  
  
He walks up to me and I notice that he has a t-shirt in his hand. He hands it to me. It's one of his NYPD shirts, my favorite one, the one I love seeing him in. With a gental touch he turns me around so my back it towards him. I feel his warm finger tips brush against my back as he unclasps my bra. Then I shiver again as he puts his fingers under the straps and pushes them down my arm. I hear the soft thump as the bra hits the floor. I turn around to him. He's standing there waiting. I pull his t-shirt on. Again he grabs my hand and leads me to the rumpled up bed, He slides in and waits untill I do the same. He pulls the covers over us and then he pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me and holding me. I can feel his arousal for me but he makes no effort to act on it, instead he just holds me.  
  
I begin to cry as I realize the man behind me, the one I would trust with my life terrifies me. He knows me, With just one simple look he knew what I needed. Neither of us said a word and he knew. I'm scared to death of him and of whats happenening. I left my husbands bed to come here, not knowing why I needed to just knowing I had to and now I'm lying here with another man who as hard as I try i can't run from. He holds me tighter and kisses my shoulder to comfort my crying.  
  
Tomorrow I'll be strong, Tomorrow I'll end this, I will. I swear I will but for tonight, I'll stay because as much as it scares me, when it's all said and done, I know that his arms around me and the warmth of his body next to mine was last thing I needed tonight. 


End file.
